


Not a Coward

by Diary



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Awkward Conversations, Bechdel Test Fail, Canon Character of Color, Changing Tenses, F/M, Family, Flashbacks, Friendship, Late Night Conversations, One-sided Melissa McCall/Sheriff Stilinski - Freeform, POV Character of Color, POV Melissa McCall, Post-Season/Series 03 AU, Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-05-31 00:09:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6447607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diary/pseuds/Diary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reposted under different title. Reaching up to wipe the tears, she opens her eyes and glares. “Are you happy, now? Have you ruined my life enough to pay me back for the mistakes I made with you and Scott?” Complete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not a Coward

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Teen Wolf.

She almost calls.

She dials all but one digit.

In the end, she sighs, puts the phone down, and goes on with her day.

…

“Melissa-”

“Not now.” She looks down at the notes she’s highlighting.

“Are we ever going to talk about it?”

She’d prefer not to. She’d prefer to get through her double-shift, take a strong shower with a different brand of soap, and not see her son until any possible scent of what she did is long gone.

“Nothing has changed,” she tells him. “I made a mistake. That’s all.”

He’s sober, and Scott is finally warming up to him.

She’s not sure how she feels about this, but just because she was grateful Scott never seemed to want him in their lives, it doesn’t mean she wouldn’t have tried to make things work if Scott did want to see him.

He’s sober, Scott is finally warming up to him, and with Isaac in France, Stiles so subdued, and her precious baby boy mourning the loss of his first love (the media calls her a victim, the kids call her a hero, and all Melissa can think is, ‘I told my son to tell her he loved her, I remember her and Scott sitting on his bed and laughing, she could never quite bring herself to call me Melissa, thank God it wasn’t Scott or my other boys, what kind of world is it that a seventeen-year-old little girl is denied the chance to grow old, is denied a true chance at life), she let her ex-husband buy her some French fries and a soda, and one thing had led to another.

They’d talked and laughed and-

You’re allowed to make mistakes, she keeps telling herself. Even majorly stupid ones that potentially point out self-sabotaging tendencies on your part.

He walks away, and she sighs in relief.

…

“Deputy Stilinski,” Scott said with a smile.

“Hey, kid.” He kneeled down. “How are you doing?”

“Fine,” Scott answered. “Mama’s never come to my sleepovers before.”

“Yeah, well, we got a new movie, and Aunt Claudia wants your mama to watch it with her,” he explained.

In response, Scott climbed him like a jungle gym, and he carried Scott out in a fireman hold before coming back to get her.

“I’m still not convinced that this is necessary,” she told him.

He shrugged. “Maybe not, but it’s better safe than sorry. Don’t worry. We’ll keep Scott distracted.”

…

“I was wondering,” Raf said, “if we could talk about Scott spending the weekend with me in New York.”

“It’s his decision,” was her brusque reply.

Catching her arm, he said, “Melissa, please. Look, I know your shift ends in fifteen minutes, and I know you usually eat a hot pocket. I’ll buy us dinner, and we can talk.”

“I said it was-”

“I know,” he interrupted. “I don’t know- For years, I got the impression you were happy I was staying away, but then, you go and tell me Scott has a right to be angry because I cut myself out of his life.”

“We’re not having this discussion here,” she said. “Fifteen minutes. I’ll meet you in the lobby.”

…

Claudia lifted Scott up from her lap. “Come on, darling. You can help with the cookies.”

“Mama?” He looked down at her.

“Deputy Stilinski will sit with her.” Claudia nodded to her husband.

As they disappeared, Melissa sighed. She wasn’t going to break down with Scott cuddled against her, but this wasn’t much better. If she could help it, she didn’t want to break down in front of Deputy Stilinski, either.

“Hey,” he said. “What do you need?”

“Nothing,” she answered. “You’ve done more than enough.”

Claudia stuck her head back in and ordered, “Sit with her. You’re practically in the other room.”

She disappeared before Melissa could protest. She knew Claudia meant well, but she’s not sure what the other woman expected.

Sighing, he moved from the recliner to the couch. “You did the right thing.”

She sagged. “I know. I just- I try not to hate, and I don’t hate him- but, but I don’t know. Is it terrible that I never want him around Scott again?”

“No, of course not,” he answered, and his voice was the right amount of soothing and bland. Even realising he was using his deputy voice, she still felt a sense of relief. “I don’t, either. I know what it’s like to see my son lying unconscious, Melissa. And with him, it’s never anyone’s fault, but if it was- The thought of Scott falling and hitting is head- in some ways, that’s worse.”

She suddenly realised he had his arms around her, and she was leaning back against him.

Part of her thought, This isn’t appropriate. Claudia-

As if on cue, Claudia reappeared with two cups of hot chocolate. Smiling at them, she said, “I’ll make some coffee and tea, later. How are you doing, Melissa?”

“Good, thank you. You know, this really isn’t necessary,” she protested.

“Everything will be fine,” Claudia promised. Leaning over, she kissed her husband. “Tell Melissa that story about that dog that outsmarted you.”

“She didn’t outsmart me,” he protested. While his wife disappeared back into the kitchen, he shifted slightly, let his hands rest on Melissa’s, and said, “There’s this family on the outskirts of town, and they have this mixed breed dog. She…”

…

“I know I didn’t handle things as well I probably should have,” she told Raf. Licking the salt from her fingers, she continued, “But if you had made a sincere effort to be part of his life, I wouldn’t have tried to stop you. I told you to get the hell out of the house, and when you called to ask about seeing Scott, I never lied. He did have tennis try-outs and swimming lessons and plans with Stiles. Then, Claudia was sick, and later, we were celebrating the fact this town had a new sheriff with the Stilinskis. You could have asked, ‘When is a good time?’ You could have kept calling until you stumbled across one.”

“Fair enough,” he agreed. For a long moment, he looked at her. “Do you remember when Scott was about six months, and we got the crazy idea to go camping?”

“What in the hell were we thinking,” she moaned.

“We survived,” he pointed out.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t stop the fact we had to deal with Scott turning blue or the fact that, if it weren’t for me being married to an FBI agent, I probably would have ended up with a rap sheet for punching that nurse.”

He smiled. “We made a pretty good team, back then.”

“Yeah,” she softly agreed, “we did.”

They sat quietly.

Finishing her fries, she said, “It’s hard to remember, sometimes, but we had some good times. I still remember how I felt like I could float when you proposed to me.”

He nodded. “I never told you, but when you said yes, after I dropped you off, I went to wake up everyone I knew to tell them.”

She laughed. “That- that suddenly makes some of their reactions when I told them make more sense.” More seriously, she continued, “You know, I told Scott I kept that watch you gave me when I was hired here because it was the only thing about our marriage that ever worked, and this is me acknowledging that, yes, I do have some blame in you and him being at odds.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s really not. I wanted to protect him, and I was so fed up with you and how badly our marriage had become near the end, that I- I guess I told myself that your seemingly lacklustre effort was completely on you and that it was better for Scott, anyway. But,” she reached over to touch his hand, “the truth is, I kept the watch because of what you did the first time a patient died in a surgery I was assisting. Do you remember?”

“Of course,” he answered. “How could I forget? It killed me to see you blaming yourself like that, and I knew Scott could sense something was wrong.”

“I don’t think right now is a good time for Scott to go to New York, but if he thinks it is, I won’t try to discourage him. He’s been having night terrors. Even though he and Allison were broken up- Raf, you don’t understand how much he truly loved that girl.”

“Okay,” he agreed. “What can I do to help him?”

…

Deputy Stilinski had been drinking almost non-stop.

“Honey,” she told Scott, “if you need me to come get you for any reason, call me, okay? It doesn’t matter if I’m still working or not. Mama will come get you.”

Scott looked at her curiously. “Mom, this is the Stilinskis. You’ve never had to pick me up from here.”

“I’m just making sure you understand you can always call,” she said.

As sympathetic as she felt for the deputy having to dealing with Claudia’s loss, she didn’t want Scott around him in this state.

Stiles appeared and gave her a measuring look.

“How are you doing, sweetie?”

“Fine, Mrs McCall,” he answered.

Unlike how Deputy Stilinski and Claudia had taken to Scott, she’d never taken to Stiles. It made her feel guilty, but there wasn’t much she could do.

She was never Auntie to him. His high-energy nature made her babysitting him rare. Moreover, while he never crossed the line into blatantly rude and disrespectful, sarcasm and defiance was a natural state.

Now, she sometimes got the feeling he was blaming her for what was happening in his life, and she didn’t know how to deal.

Sighing, she kissed Scott and left without seeking the deputy out.

…

They went to his hotel so he could show her some pictures his sister had taken of a meteor shower.

In retrospect, she should have just asked him to email them, but then, retrospect is rarely helpful in providing information on how to fix the mistakes made.

He offered her sparkling water and drank coffee for himself.

“Do you ever get lonely, Melissa?”

“Of course,” she answered.

The memory of the desperate voicemail she’d left to the man who turned out to be a psychotic murderer who’d violated her son invaded her mind.

Peter Hale killed his niece, several other people, including Allison’s aunt, and bit her son.

She really didn’t mind Scott being a werewolf. She was glad he was no longer asthmatic, could heal thoroughly and quickly from almost any injury, and was immune to most sickness.

What she objected to was the fact someone bit him without his consent. Further, his body was permanently altered without him or her getting any say in the matter. It would be bad enough for the same thing to happen to an adult, but to a fifteen-year-old boy…

Even without all this, the desperation she exhibited made her want to bang her head against something. A charming man with a steady job who didn’t care about the fact she had a teenager and exuded sincerity when he complimented her beauty- all of it was something she’d never really managed to find.

“A few years ago, I met someone,” he told her. “Her name was Maya. She was beautiful. A waitress putting herself through grad school.”

“What happened?”

“She didn’t understand- she wasn’t anywhere near a problematic drinker,” he answered. “In fact, she very rarely drank. But when we went out on special occasions, she couldn’t understand why I couldn’t just have one glass of wine. And it wasn’t her fault, I know. For her, it was easy to have a glass or two on her birthday, and then, go for weeks or even months without another. I knew that, if had that one glass, I might be undoing years of progress. So, eventually, I just acknowledged that, however great she was, she wasn’t good for me.”

“Oh, sweetie,” she said. “I’m so sorry. If it helps, I’m proud of you.”

Then, before she could stop to think, she was leaning over to kiss him, and the kiss sparked something.

…

She comes out of the locker room and barely manages to keep herself from running back in.

“I just need to clear one thing up,” Raf says.

Sighing, she sits down on a nearby bench. “What?”

Sitting down beside her, he orders, “Look at me.”

She does, and the look in his eyes makes her uneasy.

“I know you’re an honest person, Melissa. So, I’m not asking you to be honest. I’m asking you to really consider my question before you answer.”

“Okay,” she agrees.

Still holding eye contact, he asks, “Are you in love with Stilinski?”

…

“Deputy Stilinski asked me to bring him over,” Deputy Tara Graeme told her. “I know he probably didn’t give you any warning. If you’d like, I can take him for the night.”

She looked out at Stiles playing with a toy airplane in the squad car. His special pillow was propped up against the window.

“No, that’s okay, Tara,” she answered. “Scott, Stiles is outside! Why don’t you go get him?”

As Scott went out, she asked, “What’s going on?”

Tara sighed. “He poured out all the alcohol. He doesn’t want Stiles around while he’s- detoxing, I guess, for a lack of a better word.”

She took this in. “Actually, do you think you could watch them both just for an hour?”

…

When she got to the house, she let herself in with the emergency key he and Claudia gave her years ago.

“Who’s there?”

“Whoa, uh, gun down, please,” she said.

He set it down, and she took him in.

He looked like crap.

“You’re not doing this right,” she informed him, and then, winced.

Giving a mirthless laugh, he shrugged. “Hey, do you think I’d make a good sheriff?”

As she kneeled down to take his pulse and put her wrist on his forehead, she asked, “Why? Is this one retiring?”

He nodded.

“It’d take some time for us to get used to the change in title,” she answered. “Stay.”

When she came back with mug of tea and a bowl of soup, she ordered, “Just eat and drink as much as you can.”

“That is, if I could even win,” he continued.

She sat down in his recliner.

When he was through, she took the bowl to the kitchen and brought out some more tea.

“Bathroom,” he muttered.

He stood up and stumbled.

“I’ll help,” she said.

While he was in there, she found his lockbox in the bedroom, entered the combination Claudia had given her, gingerly put the gun in it, and reclosed it. 

Once he was back on the couch, she was suddenly struck by the urge to hold him as he once held her.

Pushing the urge aside, she lifted his legs up, took off his shoes, and grateful he didn’t have a belt on, coaxed him into lying down. She knew he couldn’t bear to sleep in the bed right now.

When Raf had left, one thing she hadn’t been prepared for was his scent lingering on the bed at night. For her, it had been an unwelcome irritation.

For the deputy, she imagined it was both a comfort and a curse, and he just couldn’t deal with either.

“’m not tired,” he mumbled.

“I don’t care,” she answered. “You’re staying there for right now. Nurse’s orders.”

She turned off the lights, turned on the TV to some weather station, and sat back down in the recliner. Tara would page her in an hour, and she’d figure out what else she needed to do, then.

…

“And I’d especially like to thank Nurse McCall and her son, Scott,” he said.

“That’s us!” Scott pulled her arm.

Chuckling, she nodded and kissed him.

“When I lost my wife, I went through a bad period. When I realised I had to stop, they were there for Stiles and me. Of course, and I probably shouldn’t mention this, there was some bribery involved. You know, minor things, such as ignoring the dead bodies she has buried in her garden, and I’m contractually obliged via a blood oath to arrest anyone Scott dates that she doesn’t like. And then, there was a promise not to do a background check on-”

Trying to ignore how red her face felt and the urge to sink down under the table, she bit back a laugh and exclaimed, “Hey!”

When he looked over and winked, she hurled a nerf ball straight at him.

He caught it and gave her a soft smile. “In all sincerity, Melissa, Scott, thank you both. What you’ve done to help has meant the world to me and Stiles.”

The was invitation enough for Scott to jump up and, with surprising strength, drag her over to Stiles and the new sheriff.

…

“My son’s okay.” He sank down on the couch.

“Yeah,” she agreed.

Then, deciding to hell with it, she sat down next to him, kissed his cheek, and pulled her against him.

He sagged.

Physically, it was a little awkward, but emotionally, it felt right.

“Thank you. For everything.”

“You don’t need to thank me,” she answered. “You’ve been there just as much for me.”

Breaking contact and turning, he asked, “Are you okay? With Isaac leaving? Does Scott need anything?”

“We’re fine,” she promised. Reaching over to guide him back, she said, “Let’s- let’s just sit here for right now.”

“Okay.”

Then, he laughed. “A few months ago, I never would have believed- werewolves and banshees and giant lizards. Sorry, by the way, for yelling at you in the root cellar.”

“I understand,” she assured him. “I didn’t take things well, either, when I first found out, and if our positions had been reversed- But our boys are okay, and eventually, we will be, too. It’ll just take some time for all of us.”

…

“There’s never been anything between us,” Melissa answers. “We’ve always been friends.”

He’d never cheat on Claudia, she’d never willingly sleep with a married man, and he’d held her in his arms when they were both still married.

This kind of friendship can never be more, because, if it is, she has to wonder when she started-

Raf simply looks at her. “Let’s try this again. Are you in love with Stilinski?”

She closes her eyes, and he’s the first image to pop into her mind. He smiles his beautiful smile, looks at her with soft, sparkling eyes, and-

“Damn you,” she whispers, and she’s not even sure who exactly she’s damning. Reaching up to wipe the tears, she opens her eyes and glares. “Are you happy, now? Have you ruined my life enough to pay me back for the mistakes I made with you and Scott?”

He hands her a tissue. “You’ve never been a coward, Melissa. And no, I’m not happy. This- this is just me letting go. Completely. As much as it hurts, I want you to be happy. So, I just hope that now isn’t the time you’ll become a coward.”

He walks away.

…

“Mrs McCall,” Deputy Parrish greets her. “Sheriff Stilinski is arguing with the coffeemaker, again.”

“Right,” she says with an amused sigh.

She goes into the kitchen area and finds him alone.

“I can put you on a plane to a place where very dangerous criminals reside,” he mutters.

“You have to- You know what, step aside,” she orders. “I’m sorry to tell you, but its not afraid of your threats.”

“That’s because you and Parrish coddle it,” he informs her. Sitting down, he asks, “Did you get that email Isaac sent? I’m glad Argent found a place to take him fishing.”

“Just don’t think this lets you off the hook when he visits this summer.” She pours him a cup. “He still needs us.”

“Of course. You doing okay?”

Sitting down, she takes a breath. “Raf visited me at the hospital.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Is he?”

Chuckling mirthlessly, she repeats, “Yeah.” Bracing herself, she continues, “The thing is, he came to ask me a question, and as much as I’m afraid of telling you what my answer was, he’s right. I’m not a coward.”

Setting the cup down, he looks at her in concern. “Melissa? What’s going on?”

“My ex-husband asked if I was in love with you.”

Silence fills the room.


End file.
